Shyness isn’t a great state to linger in.
Morrisseys’ song ASK reminds us that :
Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You’d like to
So shyness holds you back whilst others all seem to zoom ahead with their confident schemes and happy, approachable smiles.
But you know know that changing your state when meeting new people is easy because you have read my first blog on confidence and may even have seen the video and practised it, so you know that it is simple and really helps.
You can now approach new people in a relaxed and open way because you feel and they feel, that you have met before.
Let’s just reminds ourselves how we arrived at this happy state of relaxed confidence.
So how do you keep the conversation going?
How can you avoid reaching that state of awkwardness when talking stops and you find nothing to say to keep going?
Here’s a great solution to this problem we all endure sometimes.
CURIOSITY.
For here’s the simple yet devastating truth: anxious people aren’t curious.
Let me say this again and let’s think about it: ANXIOUS People aren’t CURIOUS
When we are anxious we are too busy thinking about how uneasy we feel to look much outside our situation. let alone really notice or pay attention to others.
Awkwardness breeds more awkwardness.
We stumble about for a bit and then probably leave the situation probably without saying goodbye.
- ‘I’m just too shy to really talk to people except maybe friends or when I am just with one other person.’
- ‘I can never put my hand up in discussions.’
- ‘I hate drawing attention to myself even when I have something I really want to say.’
- I leave places wishing I had spoken up. This FRUSTRATES me!
- My voice gets RUSTY with not speaking!
CURIOSITY is like your knight in Shining Armour who can save you you from the shyness dragon or the cruel cheating dark knight of self doubt!!!!Here’s how curiosity can work for you, giving you the shining Armour of confidence and easefulness, allowing you to become your very best you….1) Allow your self to relax into you friendly state. Imagine you are meeting someone you know and like and feel comfortable with.2) Ask your senses to feel ALIVE!!! Imagine you are switching all your senses on…you are becoming EXTRA ALIVE!3) So notice what you are hearing , what you are smelling, what are you seeing and feeling…4) Notice what is special about the other person and place be CURIOUS and be ALIVE to them…5) Share something you have noticed…6) Ask them about something you have noticed…7) Link something to something else…a memory, a story, a feeling…8) Be CURIOUS about what you find out and hear and see…9) Show curiosity through your body language: Smile, nod, agree, maintain good eye contact….The other person will feel valued and positive because you have shown positive interest in them.Curiosity creates positive rapport…CURIOSITY creates CONFIDENCE CURIOUSLY!
