I was a very shy child who used to feel sick every week before I went to the Brownies! I remember banging my head in Mum’s old Morris Minor called ‘Bobby’ and being VERY pleased that I had the perfect excuse not to go to Brownies that week. SUCH RELIEF! I didn’t have to pretend I liked joining in with groups or talking to people.
If I close my eyes and imaginatively wander back to being about 7 years old, then the Doctor’s waiting room, the beige Morris Minor AND the emotional relief come flooding back..that’s the power of ‘anchored‘ experience!
I became a slightly less shy teenager mainly due to my Saturday job in Liverpool where I worked on the record counter of a major store. Dealing with the public especially through the Christmas rush encouraged communication-of necessity.
Early adult hood brought about a gradual, yet nonetheless miraculous change as I took up teaching and tutoring; I knew who had been my best teachers and wanted to model myself on the best!
Unconsciously I began to act as if I was a successful, confident tutor as I modeled myself on successful confident tutors.
Becoming 30 years old was a very happy landmark; I felt liberated from much awkwardness!
Teaching had brought about a truly miraculous transformation. I felt vibrant and renewed. Like an orchid on steroids!
For even if there still lurked about me something slightly diffident and awkward , teaching kept the shy-demon at bay!
My shyness had become manageable.
Managing shyness is the key. We are all unique and it is highly likely that we all have a core me. But swirling about our ‘core self’ may be behaviors that limit us.
These unhelpful behaviors can be changed.
Here’s a very easy and very effective ‘trick’ to help you to talk to someone you don’t know….
It’s my first confidence trick on this blog and it is my favourite.
It owes much for its resurgent inspiration to the superb Marcus Oakey whose charisma coaching site is one of the most engaging and brilliant on the web. Also of course to my NLP trainers, Peter McNab and Lynn Byrom who made NLP such a vital and transformative experience.
It’s invincible! Goldeneye!
Even in rainy Bolton or Manchester.
Here’s how to feel confident about talking to new people………
- Pretend you know them.
- Yes, that is all you need to do.
- Pretend you know them and act as if they are a very good friend, family member or your favourite pet.
- Notice how this changes how you behave towards them and how they will behave towards you.
- Act as if you already are in natural rapport with them!
- Act AS IF……Acting as if you are in the state you want to be in already…changes you from unhelpful reticence into a far better state…
- I will now write out the how and you can try it every time you are meeting new people and want to create a friendly rapport.
HOW TO CREATE POSITIVE RAPPORT IN SECONDS.
HERE’S THE BRILLIANTLY EFFECTIVE RECIPE FOR TALKING TO NEW PEOPLE AND CREATING RAPPORT IN SECONDS!
- Imagine someone, a friend or family member perhaps or some pet you connect happily with. Pets are unconditional…dogs tend to greet you as if you have sailed around the world to meet up again…AS IF states!
- Keep imagining how happy this connection is until you can actually feel the happy state. Now you could even ‘remember’ this happy state through anchoring it. Perhaps press you finger and thumb together as you remember and intensify the state…test this three times..(See next blog for more on anchoring)
- When you feel the happy connection and the happy state, let the happy state start to ‘surround’ the other person. Project this happy, connected state about the other person.
- Then concentrate upon the new person immersing your connection in this very positive connected state.
- Unsurprisingly you may feel as if you have met the person before.
- And guess what?
- YOU HAVE!!!!
- Here’s a short video inspired by Marcus Oakey’s excellent interview with ‘Igor’ on his site, charisma coach. It’s made by whiteboard creator extraordinaire ‘David’ on people per hour..see what you think…
A nice piece of advice – will give it a go next time I’m a bit unsure about meeting someone.